Sunday, April 25, 2010

More Gary Coleman..Part 2

Another thing about the younger aforementioned sister is that not only did she LOVE Gary Coleman she wanted in his fan club.  She wrote him letters extolling his coolness.  She sent him letters professing her love.  She regaled her adoration of him with many a correspondence.   However, she was never able to enter into his fan club.  ;-(  She never had the money and our mom wasn't the kind to lend us money to join fan clubs.  Aargh!  Instead of entering the fan club she just composed letter and sent them to him in hopes that she would receive an autographed picture.  She never did, poor thing.  *Note: Gary Coleman if you are reading this please send my sister an autographed picture.*

Once she even sent him a pencil with her letters.  Not that Gary Coleman couldn't have afforded a pencil at the time (which we know he couldn't nowadays) but she did it so she could have a bond with him—be closer to him—the pencil had been chewed and had her teeth marks in it.  Yes, that would make them one......Ick.  True Story.  I would provide you with the real identity of that sister but as she has a family now it may make her angry and tarnish her reputation with them as they don't know of her sordid past....

*Note:  After I wrote this, the little sister corrected me and said my recollection wasn't exactly 100% accurate.  It wasn't a chewed up pencil like the illustration.  In fact it was a pencil that she had bitten the eraser and when she bit the eraser she had gum in her mouth.  So then the chewing gum became entwined around the chewed up eraser and THAT is what she sent to Gary Coleman.  Also, I will add this because she also informed me that she no longer likes Gary Coleman because she isn't 8 years old anymore. 

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Inspirations....You are the Wind Beneath My Wings

I noticed that I have an anit-Nikki on my sister's facebook page.  If I post something my sister's friend posts the opposite.  I hate bologna she would vote for it if it ran for congress.  I find it odd that when I go anywhere with my sister people think we are lesbians (not that there is anything wrong with it but, um, she is my sister).  My sister's friend thinks that people are just accommodating and being nice because as she responded once "it is 2010."  Der, I am not a lesbian with my sister.  People maybe more accepting but I doubt it would be for incestuous lesbians (I can't believe I just paired those words together, barf...).  This anti-Nikki inspired a poem.  I am not sure of the title other than "Polar Opposites."

I am black. 
She is white. 
She must be the creme in my Oreo. 
Without each other, 
we make no sense. 
No one likes that Crisco and sugar creme-filling alone.

Monday, April 19, 2010

How to Lie to Your Sister To Watch What You Want on TV

My younger sister loved Gary Coleman.  It was rather annoying actually.  She made us watch “Different Strokes” three times a weekday evening (5, 5:30 and 7 pm—No shit).  It was the mid-1980's and there weren't many shows in rerun status yet besides 3's Company and Silver Spoons so they just stacked them up on the stupid basic cable channels.  It was horrible!  But there was no “On-demand” programming so we just accepted it and didn't know better and just watched whatever was on.  However, sometimes we got really tired of watching frickin' Different Strokes three times a night.  One tv – 5 kids sharing it (not including the twins as they were little and got to be upstairs and watch the big tv with my parents while the rest of us hovered around the tv and dubzed the best spots for tv watching—dubzing is another story for another time).  Cable was expensive and we didn't have cable in our rooms yet.  We still had that tan box with the channels listed on top and a slider that switched the channels and it clicked when you moved it.  

Anyway, this sister who loved Gary Coleman was the youngest sister (with the exception of the twins again but there was an 8 year difference so she was still the baby) and whatever she wanted—she got.  She was loud if she didn't get her way.  She could make everyone's life hell.  She would pretend to cry and say that one of us hurt her and then Mom would yell and threaten to beat us—so the only way we could watch what we wanted:  LIE.  Yes, that is right: LIE.

Here is the lie and the set-up we used.  The little sister would retire to her room to play with cabbage patch kids between 6 and 7 pm.  Upon her return around 7 pm we would begin to be a little louder and exclaim loudly so as to attract her attention. When she would enter the room she would be confused as to why we were crying and consoling each.  We would then say (here is the lie part):  “Didn't you hear?”  or “They just broke in with a message” and she would say “About What??”  Our response, “Gary Coleman just died.”  Then as she stood there sobbing we would tell her how sorry we were and within a minute or two she would retreat back to said bedroom to blubber uncontrolled for the next half hour or so and we could watch a tv show that wasn't Different Strokes. 

 Eventually, our mom would come downstairs to check on us—notice the absence of the littlest one and go and find her and then scream at us and threaten us with the wooden spoon—or the little one would want a hug, go upstairs and while weeping ask our Mother for a hug, tell her what had transpired and our cover would be blown.  There were a number of ways this could all fall into play because we actually used this gang mentality form of younger sister mental abuse a number of times to suit our fancy. It may have been a tad mean but it was 4 against 1 and she was only 8 years old and 8 year olds are easy to trick.  Oh, I hear ya...Come on, you'd do it to.... Whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?

May 28th, 2010:  Update.  Gary Coleman passed away today.     I called my sister after I heard and she answered the phone by saying "I know.  He died for real this time."  RIP Gary.  I will always have fond memories of you and tormenting my sister.   Thanks for the memories!  We will all miss you.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Scary and Scarier....

The new house will require new shower curtains.  That is something I have not had to worry about for 3/12 years as this house has wobbly, glass sliding doors on the tub/shower.  While perusing the usual blah designs of hearts, flowers and pretty little lacey things I came across a site with an abundance of sick, twisted and funny designs.  My favorite one is white and has a matching white bath mat.  The kicker is both of them have red smears on them like bloody hands and feet.  Maw-ha-ha-ha (Evil laugh)..  I would love something out of the ordinary but my husband, Mr. I-want-it-to-look-like-a-hotel, prefers boring.  I am sure I can find something in between.  I am tired of predictable and sparse.

Anyway, here is the real image of a shower curtain that I have seen many times which is reminiscent of the movie psycho:

Here is the altered image I created that I would find very scary.  Notice I added a wooden spoon to her hand to resemble my own mother while I was growing up.  In the 1970's and 1980's it was expected that poorly behaved children would be beaten.  Now it is frowned upon (which is a load of crap, everyone knows that spankings make a kid grow--not proper nutrition or sleep).

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

What is it about 8 year olds?  I think they are trapped in a conundrum of creepiness mixed with a desire to stay young and grow up at the same time.  The feisty nature...The frustration of constant quarreling...Crying how no one listens..Then they want a hug like they are little.  Just pick one.  Growing up sucks.  I remember that.  I just wish they could understand....

Friday, April 9, 2010

Movin' on Up

We had planned on buying this house but things kinda changed--so we are moving because my landlord is a giant arse.  Just because I don't have a job anymore and can't qualify for a mortgage he is going to put the house on the market.  3 1/2 years and $50,000 later (no lie, you do the math--rent in Whitefish is outrageous)  we are now moving like a band of gypsies.  Only this time instead of moving 300 miles we are moving 2 blocks away.  I can deal with that.  Plus, the new house is on  1/2 acre, one level and $350 cheaper a month to rent.  I guess it is a blessing.  I will need to update my pictures on this site although they won't look much different since you can still see Big Mountain and Glacier Park.  What will be different having is a gravel driveway and living 3 blocks from the lake.  :)  Woo-hoo...

Movin' on up of course reminds me of "The Jeffersons" which then I realized is ironic because my husband is actually like a tall, white version of George and I suppose I am the fun-sometimes-level-headed Weezie.  Who knew...

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Bad use of Foundation

So I am not anti-Miley Cyrus as I have kids so I have watched Hannah Montana and have heard her dual cd release over and over and over and over and over.....She is better than anyone on that stupid show Zack and Cody.  Anyway, I was really taken aback when I saw this awful picture of her.  Obviously, they were trying to doll her up since it was at the kid's choice awards or some BS-award show but whomever is her make-up artist F-ed up!  That dode needs to be fired.  Who puts foundation on their lips, oh I know, Miley's stylist.  I guess they forgot to put the lipstick on top of it.  It looks washed out and gross.  And that is my random critical thought of the day.  The only reason I am posting this is because no one picked up on this fashion faux-pas on any decent celebrity gossip site.  I suppose they took the weekend off.